Saturday 14 September 2013

Day 6 (the day of the big blues)



Could not sleep whole night. Was too tired to sleep. When morning dawned, I decided to put on a brave front, guzzled gallons of coffee and decided to read. But that was an exercise in futility. By mid morning I fell asleep. Woke up after couple of hours, had lunch and sat down to read again. And that's where the big wave of depression swept in. It was mind numbing. Suddenly it seemed the sunshine had vanished from this earth. I just kept sitting there staring at my book hoping that something would happen. It’s such a debilitating feeling. So again I did what I do best. The ostrich. Went off to sleep again. Had a nap in bits and pieces. Still nothing changed on waking up. It was as if the walls were closing on me. It was so bad. I prayed and prayed. Finally in the evening it got too much to bear. Decided to chuck everything and went to D-mart with mom to get some groceries. And that’s when my aunt and uncle dropped in. Honestly initially I wasn’t that excited to see them. I actually loathed the thought of going back home and meeting them. But when I went home, my uncle sat me down as he wanted my consultation on his health. From what he told me, he too, I guess, is suffering from depression due to business related aspects. He was referred to a psychiatrist by his physician but didn’t keep up the appointment. When he described his symptoms, man it was like looking into the mirror and he too felt the same when I told him about my predicament. It felt so good. Meeting a person in flesh who is suffering the same as you are, is so different. Interacting and discussing with people about your problems anonymously on internet is no way close to it. I mean no offence to all those internet friends of mine, you guys are great, your help is way too immense. But this was sort of an exhilarating experience, a sort of catharsis for me. I feel much better. Actually lighter. It helped a lot to talk it out.

Coming back to reading, it’s all down the drain. No studies except for a bird’s eye view of the chapter of intestinal obstruction. That is it. And regarding eating, it’s still a tightrope balancing act. Bye folks.

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